So I’ve been chatting with a few people lately — and not small talk by any means.
The first one is someone I’ve known online for over a decade. While I won’t reveal the topic of the discussion, I will say they were facing quite the hardship but were determined to make changes. They also were unaware of my recent separation — and wondered how I was handling it so well
I said “I’m not giving myself the option of not being OK. I have to be OK, I don’t have any other option, so I’m OK because I choose to be”. Now, I’m not saying I’m perfectly fine and have no troubles. Not even close…I definitely have my days and moments where I’m ready to fall apart. I’m not OK right now nor am I ok every single moment. I’m Ok with being broken — but I will be OK someday, and that’s what I’m moving toward. And that’s what I meant when I said “I’m not giving myself the option of not being OK”. Because giving myself the option of not being ok allows me the option of giving up, of playing the victim, of allowing bitterness, anger, and unforgiveness consume me. That kind of life isn’t an option to me — always pursuing “being ok” is my only option. And such — I am ok, because one day…. I will be.
Another conversation revolved around “venting” or complaining about current circumstances. It’s such a weird thing — people don’t like complainers, yet every one complains about something at some point. Also, it seems the more you keep those negative thoughts about a specific circumstance, the more they eat away at you inside.
By “venting” you’re speaking your thoughts about that circumstance. Sometimes hearing your voice say out loud the thoughts rattling around in your head is enough for you to realize how crazy it sounds. Even if that doesn’t happen, venting gets those thoughts into the open, so another person can hear and understand what you’re struggling with. 2 people carrying a heavy load is far easier than trying to carry the same burden alone, right?
But there’s yet another angle on this. By speaking those thoughts and getting them out into the real world (by using your voice) you’re actually helping to evict those thoughts from your head, sometimes quite forcefully. Your body does this naturally if toxins are ingested. In fact, you probably did it when you last had the flu — your body puked those toxins out. Sure you felt exhausted and horrible right after — but after the toxins are completely gone, you felt better. Sometimes you need to give voice to the toxins in your head, not to inflict them on others — but to evict them from your head and “vomit” them out.
*Always use a unique or interesting title to draw people in.